Life's Sonatas

prologue

welcome to my blog

Hi all, enjoy your time here.

profile

randal, the ruanner

Hi, my name is Randal, 20yo boy.

I love...
playing and listening to music
the chinese ruan and liuqin
going chinese orchestras and ensembles
eating awesome food
go shopping
being who I am
my family and friends
anyone who loves me

I hate...
bad music
people with lousy attitude
awkward silences
staying out too late at night
for not being able to practice ruan

wishlist

ranked by priority

- Song Guang Ning GaoYin Ruan (RoseWood)
- Enter National Institute Of Education in year 2013
- Song Guang Ning Zhong Ruan (ZiTan Mu)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

@ 8:16 AM

Sleeping does help, I have to agree. (: hahaha! Feel so much better now.

Going to school later to practice qin first before meeting weijie. wheee (: gonna practice real hard for Cao Yuan Shu Huai. Okay luh, I'm just here to say that I'm fine now. That'll be all for now.

@ 12:35 AM

Hi everyone. (:

Actually, I won't really say I'm feeling too good, but I am trying to not feel too bad either.

Bah, I'll just rant a bit here before I sleep actually. I know that between the both of us is quite impossible but I'm still holding on. When I see others get close to you, I cannot do anything but just stand aside and fake a laugh.

Although we are quite close, but I know that there is a barrier between us both. And that, I am still very unsure of what you feel. I don't want to confess as I'm afraid of rejection. And in this case, rejection seems to be of higher chance than acceptance. Nonetheless, this won't stop me from treating you differently and such.

I still want you alot as a friend, but I'm honest to say that I do feel uncomfortable when I am near yet far to you. That we seem to chat and talk to happily, but actually there is something which is stopping me from telling you how I feel.

Just bring me out of this agony like how I manage to get over my past crushes. Why are you so hard to get over? Is it because you haven't rejected me straight in the face? Or is it because, this is not mere infatuation but more than that?

I always advise people to 'see more open' but why can't I seem to do it? Is it because the chances of people accepting me are much lower than the normal people out there? 'my kind' of people are really few in numbers, thus lowering my chances of finding someone I like.

But why does every crush I like, doesn't ever seem to work out. And my relationships always end up so nasty. It would be fine if it's just a clean breakup. But they never are. There are fragments here and there, and I'm so deeply scarred but no one ever sees the scars.

Can't anyone tell? How much less happy I am now in comparison to what I used to be in the past? I worry everyday. I think of people who will never think of me. I help people do stuffs with so much silliness that I even laugh at myself. I read people's facebook and get upset over things happen on it.

As much as I want to focus on other more important things, my heart tells me to think of you even though between us has no bright future. grah, I'm in a mess, a big one.

Bleh, on a lighter note, there's RPCO tomorrow, and I'm gonna go school really early to practice hard before meeting weijie for lunch/tea.

Indeed, having a broken heart is like falling off a horse.
Most people will get back on, but some walk away too afraid...
of the pain to take another chance.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

@ 9:40 PM

Hi all. It's a new year, and it's time for me to start blogging again. (:

It has been ages since I've blogged, oh dear. 3 months?!!? going 4 as I can see. Nothing much really happened in this period, although I have been really busy (as usual).

The following happenings occurred within my absence from blogger.com:

Nov: RuanZu Concert at Singapore Conference Hall and RPCO's Annual Show (Reflections 2011)
Feb: Zen Ensemble's Concert at Esplanade Studio

Oh yes, I joined Keat Hong Chinese Orchestra recently by the way. (: Really awesome place to be at, really fun pieces, not too tough I'd say. Of course, i'm not alone. There's Cassandra, Shuzhen and Nicholas too!

Okay, anyway I might be posting vlogs anytime now, once i get the time to do them. They can be really weird at first but I'll get used to it. Hope you guys will get used to it too. :X It's an attempt to improve my speaking skills. So to all the other vloggers out there, there's alot more for me to learn! (:

Yupyup, that'll be all I suppose. Let's hope that I can prevent this blog from being neglected again.

P.S.: Maybe by sleeping, can the pain go away more quickly.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

@ 3:33 PM

HELLO all. I'm so very sorry to have disappeared for such a long time! D:

I'm in the midst of my busy days. November is one hell of a busy month I'd say D: rawrrr.

Let's see...let me summarise the whole month in this way...
Mondays: Practice ruan and prepare for concerts and recitals.
Tuesdays: RPCO Practices until 9pm
Wednesdays: FYP and RPCO until 9pm
Thursdays: PCO practices at boonlay until 9.30pm
Fridays: BCO practices at tanjong pagah until 9.30pm
Saturdays: Afternoon practice ruan, TGCCCO practice at ang mo kio until 9.30
Sundays: TECC Ruanzu at tampines from 12.30 to 5pm.

So there you go, thats my schedule O: really busy, nothing much can be done, because i just love all the places i practice at. heee (:

Today's module's about sonic art making. Supposed to rearrange pop songs O.O lol, got bad romance, I'm yours, I gotta feeling. I chose Waterloo by Abba and arranged for string quintet with piano. :D heee. was happy of my product. Faci was happy too, because i'm the only one who didn't take the midi and arrange. I used from scratch, having piano score and chords, I arranged to make it sound classical-ish yet catchy. :D wheeee, sounded alot like the acoustic version of Love Story by Jon Schmit. (:

P.S.: Hungry for more ruan ):

Monday, October 25, 2010

@ 9:35 PM

Time check: 9.35pm, I got work to do, but I'm not doing it! T.T

HELLO all (:

today has been a really boring day ): so much for a start of the day. But something kinda made me interested! I came across this.

Some avant-garde styled music, by zhongruan and string trio! O: it sounds very harsh, to depict daggers and poetry O.O idk, but I think it's really something new. do listen when you guys are free ;D

@ 10:40 AM

HELLO people! :D today is a boring day! D: I got a faci, oh wait...i got a flower vase in my class, who sits there and not do anything. She flashes the problem statement, then keeps mute the whole first meeting! D:

It's not helping at all can! :/ Apparently barely anyone is doing work, or is serious about work. Alot of us are lost, unaware of what are the real deliverables for the day. rawrrrr ): and alot of us are wiped out from PD. So am I. ):

I hope everything will go fine for this week. Today is totally not a good day to start the week. Even Jean is wearing blue today :P April missed class. and the class only have 4 teams instead of the full 5, on the 2nd week of school O:

Its not the module, is the faci. :X but oh well, there's nothing I can do.
Anyway I'll be going off now. I can't do any work cause my ProTools is not up to date yet, thanks to the 'HELPFUL' IT helpdesk who just don't wanna serve me cause it's alway full! D: grah.

P.S.: It's been ages since I've felt this feeling. I feel, down.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

@ 12:32 AM

Time check: 12.50am. It's nighttime, and I'm reminiscing the past.

As I walked down the corridors of NorthPoint,
Memories flash back on the days we had fun.
The times I'd smile so innocently and genuine.
Yet now, it's away from reality I want to run.

I can never forget your warm touch.
The times you'd tap my nose with your finger, and say that I'm cute.
It's you, that I miss so much.
The times you'd say "I love you" and of course, I'd follow suit.

I'd hug you the moment I see you, each time.
My heart would pump each meet up, even if we've been together for years.
When I met with any trouble, you'd make sure everything was fine.
You protected me from harm, there was nothing that I feared.

Your face so close to mine, even though we both closed our eyes.
I felt your breath against mine, our minds were read by each other.
In the relationship, no quarrels, no cold wars, no shouting, no lies.
It was then, I knew I'd dedicate my life to you, and no other.

I still keep to the promise, the vow that I've made.
To love you, until today, no matter how slow it shall fade.
I want to thank you, for making me know what's true happiness.
You'll forever be my boyfriend, in my heart, I'll never forget.

P.S.: I hope you're doing fine and living on happily, because I know that as long as you smile, I have every reason to live on. I has been 10months and 20days since we've broke up. I, still love you.

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So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time